Mmmmm... Postgame Breasts

Two great advantages about watching soccer in Germany:

1) Games in South Africa are in the afternoon or evening, so drinking is socially acceptable.

2) Postgame "game shows" that are just excuses to ogle hot women in (or out of) lingerie. Tonight's hostess (via her website, www.biggi-bardot.com):



Now, that's postgame coverage!

When Procrastination Pays Off

Nothing's quite so satisfying as seeing an ex with someone else after you assumed that no contact meant all was good. No messy breakup, and everyone wins. There are 3 ways to play it:
A) Ignore the person -- Their new love probably prefers this, since we all hate faking pleasure at meeting the ex

B) Be Happy -- This is a great way to play it, since it will leave everyone wondering if you're sincere or not. What's the point of an ex if you can't fuck with their heads?

C) Be Subtly Nasty -- On the surface you're cordial, but slip in a sly comment to put doubts in the new guy/girl's head. Something like, "She's a handful -- good to see you can handle her!" This is not a good trait, but it's a nice skill to have in your pocket. After all, you never know when you might want to sabotage to set up some makeup sex.

Blessed Bounciness

While American lingerie manufacturers have focused on faux chestiness (push-up bras and other tools of sexual perjury), Euro manufacturers have apparently focused on studying motion. Specifically, maximizing the bounciness with each step taken. This is, quite frankly, fabulous.

Why the distinction, when American (white) men so adore cleavage? My only thought is that Euro women are less beaten down by society's demands of thinness (possibly because they are, in fact, thinner). American women tend to associate any bounce with a) fatness and b) sluttiness. Males, regardless of nationality? They associate it with HELL YES.

Mmmmmmm... Refreshing....

The key to translating ads is to make sure there are no unintended double entendres. Apparently, this is the original ad:

Lost in Translation

Scene: A bed. A man and a woman having a small quarrel.
Man: "What's wrong?"

Woman: "I don't want to say, it's a big thing."

Man (hiding nervousness): "No, it's ok, we should talk about it."

Woman (clearly trying to figure out how to say something hard): "Well, I ..."
(pause)
"It's yours."
(giant pause while man considers logistics of weaseling like there's no tomorrow)

Man: "You're pregnant?!?"

Woman, laughing: "No, why do you think that?"

Man: "Well, when you say 'it's yours' in English, there's an implication of what 'it' is"

Woman: "Of course not!"

(Fade to black)