When Procrastination Pays Off

Nothing's quite so satisfying as seeing an ex with someone else after you assumed that no contact meant all was good. No messy breakup, and everyone wins. There are 3 ways to play it:
A) Ignore the person -- Their new love probably prefers this, since we all hate faking pleasure at meeting the ex

B) Be Happy -- This is a great way to play it, since it will leave everyone wondering if you're sincere or not. What's the point of an ex if you can't fuck with their heads?

C) Be Subtly Nasty -- On the surface you're cordial, but slip in a sly comment to put doubts in the new guy/girl's head. Something like, "She's a handful -- good to see you can handle her!" This is not a good trait, but it's a nice skill to have in your pocket. After all, you never know when you might want to sabotage to set up some makeup sex.

What Not to Say When Your Ex Says, "I'm writing a book"

The following lines, however hilarious or justified you think they are, may indicate bitterness.

- "First Webster, now you Lisa Marie? Can't anyone I shared a bed with just keep quiet?"
- "So it has an unreliable narrator?"
- "I'm surprised Satan needs a ghostwriter"
- "I think, 'So, You're a Bitch" will definitely fill a niche in the market."
- "Can I be victim #4?"
- "I thought authors needed to be fully literate?"
- "You know, when you became Mrs. Canseco, you signed away your rights to your side of the story."
- "What's that? I couldn't hear you over all the LYING!"
- "Oh? Will you also leave it for your high school sweetheart?"
- "Don't you think the print industry has enough problems already?"
- "Meh."
- "Jesus, just say you need some cash and don't bullshit me."
- "Awesome! I think it's time for Jezebel to get someone understanding to retell her story."
- "Whatever, but you should know that I only lied to you about sleeping with Madonna because I was lying to myself."