Tuesday, August 19, 2008
"So Drunk in the August Sun" 2008 -- Plan Now
The Mutiny Coordinator Strikes again! If anyone needs Schmubb's phone number to register, let me know. I plan to be the first to call.
I'll likely not be in the sun, since it's the dorf, but I will be there. Join me!
Straight from Schmubb's email...
Hello friends, family, comrades, and fellows,
Let me take you back in time to the year 1999 (I think) to a hot, sunny day in Huntsville, Alabama at the intermural fields of University of Alabama in Huntsville. Our heroes are Elliot "The Uusticle to the Buusticle" Wright and Schmubb "Schmubb" Sieja. They decided to sit in the fields, bask in the rays of our 2nd favorite cancer agent, and proceed to get blasted. While doing this they were listening to a certain Pavement album by the name of "Crooked Rain Crooked Rain." All of a sudden the song "Gold Sounds" found its rotation and we notice that Steven Malkmus sings "so drunk in the august sun blah blah blah..." and we immediately (and quite cleverly, I might add) notice that we are living the song. We, too, are so drunk in the august sun. Like Thomas Edison, Eli Whitney, and the founder of the "Miracle Blade 2000" (for that matter...the "wanker 3000") we realize that we have just founded the first "So Drunk in the August Sun" Party.
In the summer of 2002, by another (yes, another) stroke of genius, Crayton "The Dirty Hippie", "Ice Cold Tone", "The Fat Man" Harrison and Schmubb "Schmubb" Sieja decided to revive this tradition and have every year since gotten drunk while basking in the sun of Dallas, Texas. This year will be no different. We are planning on sitting outside drinking beer, playing man-opoly, and perhaps watch cars drive by all day. That day will be Saturday, August 30, 2008.
Now we can't expect you to come to Dallas to join us in these shenanigans (nor do we want all of you here...I mean, where would you all sleep?), but we do want your distant participation. WE WANT YOU to aid us in the quest of making this party, and the song's relationship with it, go global. We want this holiday to surpass that stupid holiday celebrating that guy in Ireland getting rid of all the snakes. What a dumb thing to celebrate. We want a celebration of celebrating nothing. We want us all to focus on what's should be at the forefront of all of our brains, sitting around in the sun, sweating, and getting drunk.
So, here's what we want you all to do. On that Saturday in a few weekends, we want every one of you to spend an hour, two hours, or all day out on your porch, your lawn, a bar patio, or whereever outside drinking a few beers (and/or drink of choice). Then we want you to call or text Crayton or myself and let us know how much fun it is to be lazy and do nothing but poison yourself. Crayton and I have an over/under bet on how many people we can get to do this. We're not going to tell you who bet what, but a reach around* will be the prize for the victor (*note, by "reach around", I mean "a cold beer paid for by the loser").
You don't have to RSVP...but you can if you want. If you have any questions, email, mail, or call your local attorney general.
cheers
-Schmubb
I'll likely not be in the sun, since it's the dorf, but I will be there. Join me!
Straight from Schmubb's email...
Hello friends, family, comrades, and fellows,
Let me take you back in time to the year 1999 (I think) to a hot, sunny day in Huntsville, Alabama at the intermural fields of University of Alabama in Huntsville. Our heroes are Elliot "The Uusticle to the Buusticle" Wright and Schmubb "Schmubb" Sieja. They decided to sit in the fields, bask in the rays of our 2nd favorite cancer agent, and proceed to get blasted. While doing this they were listening to a certain Pavement album by the name of "Crooked Rain Crooked Rain." All of a sudden the song "Gold Sounds" found its rotation and we notice that Steven Malkmus sings "so drunk in the august sun blah blah blah..." and we immediately (and quite cleverly, I might add) notice that we are living the song. We, too, are so drunk in the august sun. Like Thomas Edison, Eli Whitney, and the founder of the "Miracle Blade 2000" (for that matter...the "wanker 3000") we realize that we have just founded the first "So Drunk in the August Sun" Party.
In the summer of 2002, by another (yes, another) stroke of genius, Crayton "The Dirty Hippie", "Ice Cold Tone", "The Fat Man" Harrison and Schmubb "Schmubb" Sieja decided to revive this tradition and have every year since gotten drunk while basking in the sun of Dallas, Texas. This year will be no different. We are planning on sitting outside drinking beer, playing man-opoly, and perhaps watch cars drive by all day. That day will be Saturday, August 30, 2008.
Now we can't expect you to come to Dallas to join us in these shenanigans (nor do we want all of you here...I mean, where would you all sleep?), but we do want your distant participation. WE WANT YOU to aid us in the quest of making this party, and the song's relationship with it, go global. We want this holiday to surpass that stupid holiday celebrating that guy in Ireland getting rid of all the snakes. What a dumb thing to celebrate. We want a celebration of celebrating nothing. We want us all to focus on what's should be at the forefront of all of our brains, sitting around in the sun, sweating, and getting drunk.
So, here's what we want you all to do. On that Saturday in a few weekends, we want every one of you to spend an hour, two hours, or all day out on your porch, your lawn, a bar patio, or whereever outside drinking a few beers (and/or drink of choice). Then we want you to call or text Crayton or myself and let us know how much fun it is to be lazy and do nothing but poison yourself. Crayton and I have an over/under bet on how many people we can get to do this. We're not going to tell you who bet what, but a reach around* will be the prize for the victor (*note, by "reach around", I mean "a cold beer paid for by the loser").
You don't have to RSVP...but you can if you want. If you have any questions, email, mail, or call your local attorney general.
cheers
-Schmubb
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Lemurs In The Wild
Exclusive footage from the Lemur Reunion in Prague (that's Prague in alternate universe 234)! Note: the women pictured were, unfortunately, the ugliest ones we saw...
Special props to Marc R for the footage!
Special props to Marc R for the footage!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The Hills Have Ass
God, this was horrible. Really, really bad. I like the occasional horror movie, but I feel I should be, well, scared. Not fucking bored. And if I'm not going to be scared and you're going to drag two hot women to Morocco for filming? Show some breasts. Is that too much too ask?
UNRATED? Hardly. This film gets rated 5 Wuthering Heights (of 5, for craptacularity)
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Knowing When To Say When
We've all been there -- you're in the post-coital snuggling and you want to know how long you MUST linger. How is this not worthy of a guidebook? Is there a Cosmo article on this ("Is He Snuggling Long Enough -- How to Tell!") that I missed when I got my hair cut?
Here's what I want: a simple chart with scenarios and how long you have to stay in bed after each:
one night stand, neither orgasm 31 sec
one night stand, only he orgasms 15min, 30 sec
one night stand, only she orgasms 1 sec (only if he wants a second shot)
one night stand, both orgasm 10min, 30 sec
one night stand, both orgasm (multiple for her) 8min
coworker, neither orgasm 10 min
...
We can legally define waterboarding as torture (wait, or not?), but you can't tell me how much time I have to put in? THIS is what Lonely Planet needs to be working on. Sure, it's great to know that I should round up from 9.50E to 10E for a tip to a lazy German waiter, but how much time do I need to give before I can go home for some sleep?
Here's what I want: a simple chart with scenarios and how long you have to stay in bed after each:
one night stand, neither orgasm 31 sec
one night stand, only he orgasms 15min, 30 sec
one night stand, only she orgasms 1 sec (only if he wants a second shot)
one night stand, both orgasm 10min, 30 sec
one night stand, both orgasm (multiple for her) 8min
coworker, neither orgasm 10 min
...
We can legally define waterboarding as torture (wait, or not?), but you can't tell me how much time I have to put in? THIS is what Lonely Planet needs to be working on. Sure, it's great to know that I should round up from 9.50E to 10E for a tip to a lazy German waiter, but how much time do I need to give before I can go home for some sleep?
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