Social GPA, Or "You're Not Dumped, You've Got a 1.0"

I was recently told on a Friday night, "My plans fell through, you're my plan B". I thought, "Ok, but for you to be my plan B would require grade inflation." To make a 3.0 GPA at that point was great. We would have fun if we hang out, but not a lot of work or planning required. On the other hand, the woman I was dating recently plummeted from a solid 3.7 to a 1.0 or so in less than a week -- not something she'll be putting on her myspace page. To aid the rest of you in discussing your social GPAs, here's the breakdown:

4.0 (A) A committed (at least in the short term) relationship that requires a lot of time; like choice of majors, tends to be very rewarding or very disappointing. Or, it's the equivalent of an easy A in gym: physically rewarding and short-lived. No matter, this is your top social priority. If it's work, you should start shopping for heart medication and a headstone.

3.0 (B) This can be anything, from friendship to a long-term relationship to a booty call, but you're at least open to something better. 3.0 is best known as the relationship way station -- this is generally a stop on the way to a 4.0 or 2.0 (or lower). The key is to see the movement and act accordingly (people will try to convince you to "work on it" but you should go for the pre-emptive dumping".

2.0 (C) If you don't have anything better to do, this is it. As George Costanza put it, "Right in that meaty part of the curve; not showing off, not falling behind." This is where most friendships exist -- unlike college, you can't have all A's. However, one rarely admits to this: "I'll study more before the next test," "We should hang out more often," "I'll call you next week," etc. You might as well say, "I'll cram the night before the next test," "If I'm bored, I'll let you know" or "I'll call you when I'm drunk & horny."

1.0 (D) It's either too hard or you just don't want to do it. If you find yourself cleaning your house, going to lunch with coworkers, or finding any other mundane task instead of this, you've got yourself a D. It's better to drop this before grades are due and save yourself some embarassment.

0.0 (F) You want nothing to do with this person and will avoid them at all costs. In theory, it's possible to recover from this, but not likely. If you think you're getting an F, don't try to fix it, just let it go. Otherwise it's all wasted energy. Or, go down in flames. Show some initiative!

Of course, sometimes one must blow off a 4.0 to salvage a 2.0 in another course. This is understandable, but doing it too often invariably leads to lower grades than expected. Teachers don't like students skipping class, you know? Also, remember that taking a course a second time may be easier, but not socially...