Gone in 30 Seconds

Many of you know the Lakewood Landing as the neighborhood dive bar in lower Greenville. Some of you have tried to get tossed from there. As far as I know, none of you have succeeded quite so spectactularly as I did. Remember, it was my birthday and I had brought my A game.

I enter the bar, seconds ahead of Deanna & Courtney and maybe a minute ahead of CW, Schmubb, Chad and my other enablers. I see 1 seat at the bar untaken, except for a woman's feet. Below is the interchange that followed, with my commentary:

Me: Is this seat taken? Wine had dulled my normally spectacular wit

Chair Girl: Yes. Clearly, I'm going to have to carry the conversation.

You: Yes? Really, by your date? The sarcasm was dripping from my voice here

Chair Girl: Yes. She's realized that she's met her match in this debate.

Me: Is he here? At this point, I'm pretty sure her "boyfriend" is "here" in the same sense that Bigfoot is roaming the Pacific Northwest.

Chair Girl: Yes, he's in the bathroom. Clearly, she's lying.

Me: Is he really here, or just HERE? A classic "Matlock" maneuver -- try to trap her with my quick legal wit
Me: Well he doesn't really look here! AH Ha! At this point I felt it was time to up the ante...

I attempted to move her feet out of the chair for her, and Courtney walks up, her years of dealing with Chad & I having alerted her to potential obnoxious behavior.

Courtney wisely tried to intervene, but I jokingly (we knew I was joking, chair girl didn't) pushed her away, saying "I got this". Chair girl motions to the bartender, and they both tell Courtney to get me out of there. At this point Chad, CW, etc. are walking in and the doorman asks them if they're with me. They (rather naively) say yes, and so they're also tossed.

As we are walking out, I turn around and ask Chair Girl where her date was. Touché!