Stop Slacking, You Nutsacks

I never got any fun suggestions for jackass behavior to exhibit in Paris last summer. I am now opening the comments for a 24-ish hour window on suggestions for my 2008 trip to the Eternal City. I will be hitting the French Open, so look for my "I heart Hot Moms" and "Don't Act Like You Don't Want Some of This" in the friendly rows of Roland Garros. Also, I vow to attempt to be the first man ejected from the tournament for hitting on a player's girlfriend/wife during a match.

You Must Be Fucking Kidding Me

"There are 4 levels of love. The first is puppy love, you feel it in high school..."

Ok, I give the guy some credit for a different approach, but c'mon -- that shit's played out. Listening to this shit just about killed me. I don't want to sound jaded, but it sounds manufactured that you think the levels of love are:
1. You are infatuated.
2. You are with someone who fulfills your needs and turns your crank
3. You are with someone who you know what they want from the beginning & what turns them on.
4. S/he turns it up to 11.

To paraphrase Dave Chappelle: "Nigger, please."

Jesus fucking christ, I'm no expert on relationships and I know this is fucking bullshit. Do women actually fall for this crap? Because if they do, I'm looking forward to a trip to Douche-ville. You've been warned.

Yes, I've been drinking, why do you ask?

You're Such a Ducking Shiv!

For more How to videos check out 5min.com

Have you wondered why doesn't T9 recognize "cocksucking motherfucker"?

Not What I Meant By That

"She just spent all weekend hanging around my lovesac". They chose a horrid name, but at least the B-52s are free to record their theme song.

The New JT After Dark Logo

Jeannie's eagle eye spied this on a stoplight, and I have now officially "borrowed" it for my logo. T-shirts to come!

Word Of The Week: Blumpkin

"You can buy one hell of a blumpkin for that" -- announcer, in "Dodgeball"

From urbandictionary.com:

"The delicately balanced art of getting your cock sucked while taking a dump."